IS THAT WHAT THIS IS

i think i will always want to be alone

until the loneliness settles in

and then i want to be alone

but share my aloneness

is that an option?

don't get me wrong

i love this life

of freedom

to explore the inner me

the girl inside that i could never let be

overcoming the shame

and inadequacy

with feelings of pride

i see her now as if 

she were my daughter

making amends to her

first before i can love another

is that what this is?

a never ending amends to my

untended to selves

delving into missed

glimpses and

wished identities that needed

permission to breathe

now access is granted and 

i see my insides as entire 

worlds that i never explored

despite my desire since birth 

to see this earth--

is that what this is?

did i have the most 

weird beautiful strange

exotic ecosystems

within me

all along?

was the barrier to explore

not money or time

but a reef of me,

wasting miles on flights

to clouds of fantasy

and only a rupture could

shock my optics

and allow me to see

what i was seeking was always

within this body?

oh, the flow

again

the amends

like undulating waves 

a sea of memories

an oblivion of lost pleas

needs

a soundless voice

a choice to not speak

up for her

is that what this is?

a self reckoning

i reckon

i woke

to an awakening

a self shaking

ending the faking

fake perfect

it was 

and it is 

no more.

you poor

fair

wayfarer, yes.

that

is

what

this

is.