A FUNERAL

grieving the grief

of a thousand deaths

the greatest of which

was mine.

IS THAT WHAT THIS IS

i think i will always want to be alone

until the loneliness settles in

and then i want to be alone

but share my aloneness

is that an option?

don't get me wrong

i love this life

of freedom

to explore the inner me

the girl inside that i could never let be

overcoming the shame

and inadequacy

with feelings of pride

i see her now as if 

she were my daughter

making amends to her

first before i can love another

is that what this is?

a never ending amends to my

untended to selves

delving into missed

glimpses and

wished identities that needed

permission to breathe

now access is granted and 

i see my insides as entire 

worlds that i never explored

despite my desire since birth 

to see this earth--

is that what this is?

did i have the most 

weird beautiful strange

exotic ecosystems

within me

all along?

was the barrier to explore

not money or time

but a reef of me,

wasting miles on flights

to clouds of fantasy

and only a rupture could

shock my optics

and allow me to see

what i was seeking was always

within this body?

oh, the flow

again

the amends

like undulating waves 

a sea of memories

an oblivion of lost pleas

needs

a soundless voice

a choice to not speak

up for her

is that what this is?

a self reckoning

i reckon

i woke

to an awakening

a self shaking

ending the faking

fake perfect

it was 

and it is 

no more.

you poor

fair

wayfarer, yes.

that

is

what

this

is.

SOME KING

so tell me now, preacher

how

i am supposed to smile

and rejoice

in this fake peace

sing to some king

hide in some wings

is that so?

because my tears want to know--

why the cost

why the loss

why you tossed

babies with bath water

 

 

HOW DOES IT FEEL

to strip me

deny me

discuss me

despise me

to drink me

stalk me

mock me

binge watch me

say to me

you'll pray for me

how does it feel

to be past

the point

of hypocritical,

you're now simply

parasitical

 

UNLONELINESS

alone

with only

a known

earth-artist

and my own newly

birthed-heart is

so  

unlonely

BE SOFT

my dear

truly true you

you are beginning to see

there is no mold to fit into

you were created to be

only you

don't fight her

TO SEE WHAT VAN GOGH SAW

my heart is overflowing

eyes of water

tears

rolling

at the sight of a new sky

a million stars glowing

knowing

they are beautiful

not because of what they do

but what they are

o, we have so much to learn

from stars

SAFE WIND

mistral 

breeze

carry me

like singing bees

to lavender seeds

trusting

with open wings

for the beauty

of provisional honey

THANK YOU NO THANK YOU

was it really gold

or glorified coal

if the ash it became

is more bright

with a terabyte

of insight

no thank you

no, thank you

it's alright

you can have your

pyrite

FEARLESS GIRL

she

stands under

grandstands

of reprimands

and understands

in this man's

world

we withstand

FOR HER

you help me remember

that tender

little fearless girl

dearest girl

near missed girl

in the mirror

LIONESS

she is

a lioness

of mindfulness

with her pride

at rest

PRESSURE

being a maven

of bravery

was slavery

a haven

of humanity

ignored

until a stave in

her core

gave her

the strength

to be poor

FOR THEM

my darlings

you are my ocean

of composure

a denouement

of slowed emotion

WILD

prose flows

from this mess of me

like roses and persephone

poetic daisies

post hades

CHARADES

beauty is in youth

they muse

and in possessions new

and sunny afternoons

or fine foods

good moods

amusing crews

and rooms with views

but

without truth

it ill behooves

for this beauty they knew

is but a ruse

THE RIVER

she is my anchor

and i thank her

for she saves me 

and bathes me

in dignity

PROVENCE

when i go towards a path

that is uniquely me

completely me

deeply and undoubtedly me

a two feet on the ground me

a spiritually connected

intellectually directed

checked in me

when i surrender and see

how every part of me

belongs

 

i find Thee

HERE BEGINNETH

an immigrant

to a foreign land

a different mentality

a new reality

like breathing underwater

a story that conjures chaucer

and his tales beloved

only this spiritual path 

is not about bath

or a wife thereof

but a pain-staking

life-saving

pilgrimage 

SELF LOVE

marks of skin

stretched

from carrying humans

or stress

is a precious

sketch

of honesty